Endless Endings

A dear friend lost his baby to a disease. There is no cure.

The twins lost their father to the twin towers.

They moved away. We lost touch.

We cannot pretend to know overwhelming sorrow that holds in bones of another.

Endings jerk us out of comfort zones. There is no warning.

I lost my job in 1992 when my children were beginning school.
I spent more time building a new career than with my babies. There was no time to

Just when we believe we are getting to completion, with desires full, we have to start all over again.

Endings that jolt us.

Endings, that make us aware of our messy selves.

Becoming aware
Of our messy selves.

Separate from
Everything else.

Cycles of desire
Ending with sorrows of separation.

Over and over

Relationships, work
And money
Striving for completeness.

Everything is permanent
Until it is not?

Are Endings
An exit from the dark
We keep missing
For we know not
The light?


Jayant Kalawar is the author of The Advaita Life Practice, available at Amazon.


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Reader Comments (2)

In my personal experience, it was ultimately neither abstract philosophizing nor faith-based practice that inch by inch transformed my own experience of a catastrophic ending into a beginning. It was my act of picking myself up to walk forward blindfolded. It was my connections with family and friends that sustained me in that journey.

Surviving the death of a loved one is indeed a horrific trauma, but there are many other deaths that we must contend with: the death of a way of life that one might have assumed -- the harm done to a child that permanently affects their future -- the disillusionment dealt by a trusted associate, and so on. In each event, we are more crippled by our fear of taking that next step in our transformed world, not by the circumstances themselves. It is fear that mires us in maintaining the status quo and our repetitive circles of self-destructive behavior.

March 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterChitra

Thank you for sharing such a deep direct experience based understanding of what it takes. I cannot pretend to know the pain that you experience every day. And yes, it is not the repetition of what to do (or philosophizing) that helps. In my experience contemplative, pranayama, pratyahara, dharana and dhyana practices especially within a satsangh do go some ways in connecting with supportive energies.

March 26, 2013 | Registered CommenterJayant Kalawar

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